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I really don’t know how to say this any other way. My dog decided to talk to me the other night and he had a lot to say. It initially played like any other night really. Once again, I was tossing and turning, in and out of sleep. I was half awake, mulling over my job situation: I want to make money writing but I need an income more. Then the most bizarre thing happened. “Hey human Bob! This is your best friend speaking! Wake up!” Who the hell was that? It was a deep, low voice; strong and certain with a hint of a bourbon induced slur. Sounded like Dean Martin actually. I immediately sat up. It was pitch black. The radio clock blurred 3:53 in a dull crimson light. All I could make out was the shadowy outline of Parker, my trusty beagle, sitting upright at my feet. “Hey boy, did you hear that?” I whispered instinctively. “Someone’s in the house.” My vision was starting to warm up to the darkness. Parker just stared back at me, his head tilted, his long ears hanging to the side of his head like hand towels on a wall. He turned his head to the bedroom doorway, lifted his nose to the night and sniffed. He turned back to face me. “Don’t think so.” I swore Parker spoke but it couldn’t be. I mean his hound drawn lips seemed to move to the words I heard but that was impossible. “Who’s there?” I yelled into the night. “Whoever it is, I am warning you that I am at this moment retrieving my loaded double-barrel twelve gauge from under the bed. I will shoot you. So leave now and I want to hear the door slam behind you.” I made some dumb noises in a lame attempt to fool the intruder into believing what I had just proclaimed. I took the ruse to the next level. “Okay. I’m fully armed and about to call 911 from my fully powered cell phone. Oh yeah, strong signal, four bars. Oh yeah, this is going to be a very clear 911 call.” “You’re breaking me up. Put the phone down human Bob.” It was Parker talking. I was certain of it. Nah, it had to be a sick trick. “Okay, good one Steve. You wired up the dog with a little speaker. Very funny.” My brother Steve was known to go to great lengths to pull off pranks. But I was pretty sure he was at his apartment in the city, sixty miles away, God knows doing what, and at 48 years old, unlikely to suddenly bother me with a prank—it had been 25 years since his last one. But the mind scrambles to the most implausible scenarios when so duly challenged. “Don’t think so. Nope it’s me, Parker,” the dog mumbled. I was positive he spoke again. By now I was sitting straight up, leaning towards him. He just sat there and looked at me with those big dark eyes. His poker face was on. “Parker? Are you talking to me?” “Well I’m not talking to myself.” I leaned back against the headboard. He yawned. “This can’t be. I’ve got to stop watching Animal Planet.” “Listen, I’ve got something to say and I’m not sure how long this talking stuff is going to work so …” “You are talking!” I interrupted incredulously. “Should you want I bow wow?” “Holy cow! Parker you are talking.” “Yup. But I’m not sure for how long. So can I say a few things before …” “I can’t believe this.” “Yeah I know. Either can I but if you don’t mind.” I looked at him with a giant smile plastered across my face. Parker can talk. The dog was talking. Who was I kidding? It had to be a prank. He continued. “I’ve been listening to a lot of that talk radio and that C-SPAN channel you watch while you write. I’m here to tell ya I don’t like what I’m hearing.” “You’re kidding me right?” “Afraid not.” Oh this was good. I was really hallucinating. Talk-shmalk, I had a few nagging questions of my own. “Hey, can I ask you something before you get to your stuff?” “Make it quick. I haven’t got all night.” “You like smell things a hundred times more than we do, right?” “Four hundred.” “Okay, four hundred. Wow! Then I really wonder about this.” “Yeah I know. Why do we like to sniff every morsel of excrement or yellow patch of urine we encounter on our walks?” “Now that you bring it up, yeah, why? It must smell like the inside of Dick Cheney’s or Ted Kennedy’s septic tank? And you know how much crap they’re filled with.” “That was a funny one human Bob. But it isn’t like what you smell. We pick up a lot more notes. It’s a broader pallet if you will. We don’t smell stink. We smell identity, mood, and illness. For instance, you know that crazy cairn terrier down the street?” “Yeah.” “She has stomach cancer and her humans don’t have a clue.” “You are kidding me?” “She probably has less than six months if they don’t get her to a vet soon.” He paused to lick his right front paw. “Yeah, and another thing. Don’t take me out at nights for awhile.” “Why?” “Cause there is a rabid possum living under the porch. That’s why.” “You know this from the smell of possum poop?” “Excrement.” “Whatever.” “Yup.” Parker yawned as if bored. “So is that it? Can I say what I need to say?” “Well there is that thing you do with that licking your, you know, your …” “Penis?” “Well, yeah.” “Jealous are we?” “Well, it’s just that …” “It’s all about keeping clean. Nothing pleasurable if that’s what you’re driving at. Nothing like what you do with your hand. By the way, I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t pet me afterwards. Nope, no pleasure; it’s all business. You made sure of that when you had me “fixed”, remember. Thank you very much.” “Oh yeah, sorry about that. I had no idea you knew any different.” “No idea my butt. I’ll ‘no idea’ ya.” He paused again to lick his right paw again and then continued. “But I don’t hold it against you. We don’t hold grudges. Heck, if we did, we would have mauled most humans dead by now. Which brings me to why I am talking to you.” “No grudges. Really? I mean that “fixing” stuff is pretty serious. That’s pretty good if that doesn’t bother you.” “You done? Can I get to my concern?” “Sure. Sorry. Go ahead.” “How can humans be so smart supposedly, while they single handedly are destroying the Earth?” “You mean global warming?” “It’s more than that. It’s the air. It’s the water. It’s the dirt. It’s the forests. It’s the killing. It’s the anger. It’s the hate. It’s the grudges. It’s the fear. It’s everything.” “Oh come on. You’re being a little dramatic.” “We don’t know dramatic.” “Well give me examples of what you mean.” “First of all, the air is filled with danger. Dogs, cats, birds, animals of all kinds can smell it. It is our biggest topic when we get together.” “I don’t smell a thing.” “Yeah, that’s part of the problem. And you can’t taste the troubled water either.” “Scientists don’t seem to be complaining. So I should be listening to a dog?” “We have no agenda. Dogs call it as they smell it.” “ ‘call it as they smell it’; I’m suppose to just accept that?” “Yeah, there is a lot you should just accept.” “Oh yeah, like what else?” “Well, and here is what I think is the crux of the problem, you keep choosing the wrong alpha humans.” “What?” “You’ve got this alpha thing all wrong. Just because animals order their packs based on physical size and strength doesn’t make it so for humans. We do it because we are simple. You do it because you are thoughtless. That’s what we, and I think it is fair to say I am speaking for all animals, don’t get. Humans are able to think things through. But they never do. Well, that’s not completely true; some have but they are mocked or marginalized. An alpha dog barks and gets all puffy, like that wacky shepherd Sarge from around the block. The worst he can do is break out of his electronic fence and charge one of us. But you humans take it up a notch.” “Can you give me a for instance?” “God there are so many. Let me see. Okay, you’ve elected a president who pounds his chest and walks around like a gorilla with its arms all out to the side, all tough and all, carrying on with ‘bring it on’. When he jumps the fence, he brings tanks and bombs and humans loaded down in weapons and in body armor. Meanwhile, you have alpha males all over the place, flexing their muscle in their packs, threatening to obtain nuclear weapons, the great equalizer, giving the president one excuse after another to hop the fence. It’s nuts. And I for one am telling you, you’ve got it all wrong.” “Well, I don’t know what to say.” “You don’t need to say anything. Just start picking the right alpha humans; humans whose visions see beyond fighting, whose hearts hold no grudges, whose thoughts and reasons are not the products of testosterone, whose collective knowledge is rooted in the concept that true peace is never the consequence of war but the outcome of constant learning, negotiating and adjusting.” “This is what you want to tell me? Nothin’ for nothin’ but it’s a little heavy for a little chat with a dog at 3:30 in the morning.” “In a nut shell, yeah.” It was hard to accept this from my beagle. I mean, he’s a dog; a sleeping, eating, sniffing, crapping dog. I was chalking this whole episode up to stress. I was apparently snapping. “That’s it. I’m pretty much done. Just one last thing while I have the chance.” “What? World hunger? String theory?” I asked sarcastically. “You get the right alpha humans and the world hunger thing will take care of itself, smart ass. As far as string theory, who do you think I am, Hawking? I’m just a dog. No it’s more pedestrian than that, something I think you can manage.” “Then what, already?” I asked impatiently. “You know that thing you do occasionally where you empty the dish washer in the buff.” “Ummm … yeah I guess.” “Put some clothes on. It’s disturbing. I’m beggin’ ya, please!” “All right, but only if you lick your privates in private.” “I’ll see what I can do. No promises.” “So this is it? No more talking? You know we could make a fortune on Letterman with his stupid pet tricks.” “It’ll never happen. You see, this is a one time deal. Not sure why or how this is happening. Maybe that God guy is involved somehow. All I know is that when it is done, it is …” He abruptly stopped talking. “Parker?” Not a grunt. He yawned and as he did he stretched his front legs out and spread across the foot of the bed, his ears resting flat on the blanket. “Parker … are you done? Is that it?” He slowly closed his eyes and floated off to sleep. “Parker … just like that?” He began to twitch; in hot pursuit of a fox I imagined. “Holy smokes. I must be dreaming myself.” I curled back down under the safety of my covers, scratched my butt and thought about the conversation I had just had with Parker or myself or both. I sniffed the air. It smelled fine to me. What the heck was he talking about, ‘danger in the air’? It had to be a dream. As I drifted off to sleep, I thought about getting a real job real soon, apparently this writing stuff was getting the best of me. I also made a point to remember to talk to the owners of that crazy cairn terrier. I thought it was the least I could do. 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INSPIRATION AND PERSPIRATION! Ever thought of putting together a pinup calendar featuring hot guys enrolled at your college or university? Most people who think of creating a "Men of (Your) University" calendar assume that all they need to do is locate only 12 hunky college males and have them photographed. These tasks must be accomplished. But there's much more to publishing a calendar and many more than 12 college guys must be recruited. Besides recruiting, selecting, and training your student male models, there is production of the actual calendar, which includes photography, arranging graphic design and commercial printing. After the calendars are delivered, news media publicity must be arranged. Promotional events must be held. And, of course, your pinup calendar must be marketed! But, first, the best-looking campus guys at your university or college must be recruited. After a decade of publishing, recruiting of college men, the Campus Men Calendar operation has learned a great deal and refined its approach. So, here are the facts: GUYS WANT TO DO IT! There is a high demand to appear in pinup calendars of college men. Publishers should be able to choose from many college guys. Therefore, do not cater to, or try to convince any one college student to appear. Either they want to appear in your calendar or they do not! Students who need special handling often drag their feet and cause delays. Delays cost in potential sales. Therefore, students who expect you to cater to them, cost you sales. BEWARE OF GIRLFRIENDS! Beware of any college guy who involves his girlfriend into your operation. Why? Because girlfriends do not truly want their boyfriends to "model." Yes, they want their boyfriend to be "good looking" and for his looks to be "model quality," but they really do not want them going on photo shoots, meeting female models and certainly do not want the competition that is generated from having their boyfriend's body being advertised to other females by appearing in a calendar. When it comes time to choose the best calendar photograph, girlfriends can spell T-R-O-U-B-L-E. A revealing photograph may be threatening to a girlfriend. When it comes to their bodies, guys want to "show it off." Girlfriends want their men under wraps. If you hold a promotional event after the calendar is released, any controlling girlfriend will either want to attend the event or will encourage your model not to attend. Remember, you cannot replace a model once the calendar is printed. You will only be able to select from the batch of 12 who appear in the calendar. That means if five guys are unreliable, you only have seven to choose from. How many of those seven will be working at their job during your event? If you convince a bar owner to hold an event, but only have one model show up, you might be in big trouble and possibly owe the bar owner for their advertising costs. If no models show up at a retail store that carries your calendar, you just might loose that store as an outlet! In summary, chose independent-minded males. SEX STILL SELLS? The theme of the calendar drives which students should be recruited and selected. At Campus Men, we chose a theme that was developed after years of trial and error. Our theme was to present young, all-American college guys in sensual poses. Your photos should answer the question of: I wonder what that incredible-looking guy I saw on campus would look like in bed? If a publisher wants to sell calendars, it is foolish to feature college men wearing sweaters. Publish photographs of guys wearing suits, fully clothed or face shots only - and you will not be returning to the market with a calendar the second year. If you want to sell calendars, appeal to the sexual motivations of the viewer, whether through a cute smile, great face or body or skimpy clothing. Attempt to give the viewer a fantasy of what it is like to be intimate with the college student. You do not have to depict models fully nude with penis showing. Snug-fitting boxer briefs (or less) are just as exciting. Many guys will readily show their bare buttocks. By choosing students who are exhibitionists versus guys who are conservative, you give yourself valuable creative freedom when it comes time to photograph these college male models. Choose a male student who obsesses about which poses he will not pose for, versus choosing a young guy who is grateful for the opportunity you are offering, and you will undoubtedly find the production process more difficult. Remember, there are thousands of students enrolled at your university. Why choose the ones who do not care about your profitability? You will find that buyers will remark on the one or two provocative photos that appear in your finished calendar. "Skin" photos draw more e-mails and sell more copies. Campus Men learned this by accident. Gus Dakis posed for what our male model photographer calls a "miracle photograph" because the photo shoot was hastily put together due to bad weather. Gus and our photographer sped off to the photo shoot location and set up equipment as the rain still dripped from gutters around the pool house. Yet, once set up, there was still no sun, which was needed for the photograph. Gus stood in exact position under the showerhead and our photographer stood by with his camera, continuously measuring light readings. Just as they decided to wrap it up and go home without taking any photos, the sun fell below the clouds, engulfing the pool area in a beautiful, brilliant deep gold color. A half roll of film was snapped off before the sun fell beyond the horizon. Surprisingly, Gus' photograph, which was created in two and one-half minutes, became the most popular image in Campus Men that year and was responsible for many sales. Why? Because the photo depicted Gus in a pair of wet, white shorts that inadvertently became translucent because of the hectic pace of that day's photo shot. GO FOR A CAMPUS FEEL Design photographs with a collegiate or athletic feel to them, rather than "beach" themed photos. If people want to buy a beach theme calendar, they will buy the "Chippendales" calendar. Even the Chippendales calendar has changed to more "bedroom themes." Remember, buyers want YOUR calendar because it offers college guys. While college guys are seen on beaches only during Spring Break, one will usually find college guys on the school's quad, in a fraternity house, or playing sports. So, photograph your college men where buyers expect to see college guys. Plan imagery that brings college life to mind or portrays the college student as a sexy athlete. Remember, the successful theme of a calendars should be: "Here's what that athletic guy you passed on the quad looks like in bed." RECRUIT EXTENSIVELY Far more than 12 students must be recruited. Calendar production processes call for locating as many attractive males on your campus as possible. It is not usual to evaluate at least 125 college guys and as many as 500 during the entire process. If you want to organize a calendar, your goal should be to meet hundreds of hot college guys. A large number must be secured because the most important issue - other than quality of photographs - is timing of delivery. Delivering early in the sales season is very important. Calendars must be produced for delivery on June 1 of each year. This allows a seven-month selling season and allows featured college guys to talk up and sell calendars during the summer (when they have ample time to sell because they are not enrolled in classes; are usually home among family and friends). It also allows sales through national magazines, and allows the producers to reach incoming freshmen college guys visiting the campus during orientation sessions, held during June through August. This means the calendar also will be on store shelves in time for students who arrive back for the beginning of fall quarter and are seeking to decorate dorm or sorority room walls. Winter term is a poor time to recruit college guys because completing any activity takes more time due to cold weather. We cannot easily see what college guys look like because they cover themselves with clothing when outdoors. College guys generally stay indoors, become sedentary, gain weight, and do not have tans. If only 12 college guys are recruited, the operation can be delayed if even one student drops out or is dismissed. Recruit a large number of college guys because appearing in a calendar is not for everyone. We found that we had to screen all guys to select only those who are willing to pose nude or nearly nude. Why? Because college-oriented calendars are not the thing for timid or conservative young men. We have published many pinup calendars with varying degrees of provocativeness. Tame pinup calendars are nice. But, few buyers actually part with $15 to buy a boring male calendar. More risqué calendars have always been more popular in sales. WHAT TO LOOK FOR Here's what to look for in a college-guy model for a pinup calendar: • Outgoing, can sell calendars. Guys who like to talk to everyone and anyone • Muscular or defined body • Confident guys. Young men with self-esteem problems make problems for you. • Comfortable posing nude, uninhibited, the kind of guy who would skinny-dip for fun or go streaking at the drop of a hat Advertising did not bring in the "right" type of college guys. Many young men who are perfect for your calendar would never think of submitting their names to you. They must be invited. That is where student recruiters are valuable. Advertise for a team of students whose sole duty is to stop college guys on an informal basis. Advertising to locate recruiters can include classified ads, as well as fliers to sororities, career placement offices and dorms. Aim for at least three "hard core" recruiters, a Greek system recruiter and a minority representative. Recruiters need not be female. Guys can recruit and sometimes find it easier to approach other guys in gyms, classes and on the quad. Girls sometimes thinks asking a guy to pose is like asking him for a date. 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So, does penis size matter? A heavily debated topic for years, the answers vary widely depending on who you talk to. I submit that it in fact DOES matter. So who am I to suggest definitively that penis size does matter? I am not a physician, nor am I an expert on human anatomy, so many would dismiss my statements as unsubstantiated. It is my intention with this article to address those who believe penis size doesn't matter based on the opinions and findings of so-called "experts". Do you need a huge penis to pleasure a woman effectively? Absolutely not, but I can tell you that size does become an issue when the penis is very small. The average sized penis, according to "experts" is 5 1/2 inches. Now this could be true, but one does have to consider a couple of factors. First, we don't know how many men were surveyed. Secondly, it is entirely possible that whoever conducted the survey had a penis slightly larger than 5 1/2 inches and came to that conclusion in a not-so unbiased fashion so that he could say, "I have a larger than average penis". Expert testimony aside, I would now like to discuss what women say about the penis size issue. We've all heard statements like, "It's not the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean" or "Penis size doesn't matter." Well, I'm sure that many women honestly believe that penis size doesn't matter. However, I submit that the women that fall into that category have never experienced intercourse with a man who has a tiny penis. The author has had quite a few women tell him that if a guy has a particularly small penis, they will wait a couple of days (out of courtesy) and break up with him. They'll say things like, "I'm not ready for a relationship" or other typical "let-the guy-down-easy" excuses to end their courtship. Women that do this to a man with a very small penis are doing him a huge disservice. The sad fact is a man with a small penis may never know that his penis has become an issue in his sexual relationships because women are to affraid of hurting his feelings over the matter. He therefore may not be aware that taking action is necessary in regards to his penis size. So what can a man do to increase penis size? Many people would tell you nothing. Pills to increase penis size are a huge industry, regardless of the fact that they are ineffective. Surgery can be dangerous, painful, expensive...and may leave a man permanently impotent. Is there a way to increase penis size naturally and safely? Before the reader makes up his/her mind, I would suggest visiting the sites below. does penis enlarement work vigrx penis enlargement pills penis enlargment pills review vigrx ingredient penis girth enlarement free exercise tip for penile enlargment compare penis elargement pills penis enlarement video penis enhancement pills

After years of togetherness, does your sex life still pack a wallop? Can you and your partner still orchestrate a truly wonderful physical relationship? Or has the spark begun to flicker? Perhaps gone out altogether. Expand your horizons. Sex is not just the penis and vagina. There is a whole array of erogenous zones you may never have explored – from the mouth and the ears to the love button and the underside of the feet. Here are the ways and suggestions to re-ignite passions that can help you light a new fire even if all you see right now is the valiant flicker of dying embers! Foreplay It is the basic part of whole love making experience. Long and sensual foreplay will give you the experience of the best sexual encounters. It will definitely increase the pleasure for both the partner and makes you sexually satisfied. Foreplay gives the man proper erection while women need foreplay to become properly lubricated. When the requirement of both the partners fulfilled they can proceed after having aroused completely. Foreplay includes kissing, undressing, patting and much more according to your thoughts. Take a new look at sex Remember that sex is not always orgasm on demand; it is not even always intercourse. If you can get rid of this mind-set, you may well find that other kinds of passion play bring equally satisfying arousal. Try a sensuous massage. Clean up your act How can you expect the loving to be great when you get into bed with the same sweaty T-shirt you have been wearing all day; or with your breath reeking of onion; or underarm fuzz? Cleanliness is next to sexiness. When you are freshly showered and powdered/perfumed, you feel more sensual. So, get fresh. Give and receive Take turns in being the aggressive partner. If you have always been the one to indulge in all the foreplay, try giving your partner a chance to make some of the move. Not by saying, “Why don’t you…”. Instead, kiss or touch him/her. Then retreat – that gives your partner a chance to respond. Try being a passive partner now and again – you will realize what you have been missing. Tell you partner what you like You assume you know what your partner enjoys in bed – although you may never have asked him/her. You also assume your partner knows what you enjoy – although you have never told her/him. If you try talking about each other’s desires, you might find a few surprises in store. Finally take it easy Lovemaking should be leisurely, relaxed, not a goal-oriented performance. Sex is not a circus, and you are not a performing flea. If you analyze, decode and dissect each move and every response – such as whether she sighed yearningly enough, or whether his erection lasted long enough – you will forfeit all the enjoyment. Overall, if you follow the above tips, you will have a more pleasing and enjoying sex life. Find more information visit: Sex Tips